Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter
by LittleCrimsonRidingHood
Summary: The funny adventures of a witch and a hunter.
1. Emily and Jen are aliveish

"Yay! My turn!"

"Just go Jen." Jen placed an X in the middle. Once again, Jen had beat Emily at Tic Tac Toe. Reaching onto the playing area, Jen pulled off an O, dangling it above her mouth. She let go, chewing, then swallowing. "Jen! Stop eating the playing peices!"

"B-b-but they're yummy!"

"Jen, no."

"Emily, yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"YES!"

"NO!"

-Near by-

"Careful! There's a Hunter around here. That's right! You better hide! Sweetshirt wearing wuss!" Francise growled, first to his team mates, then to himself.

"Flashlights off! There's a Witch around here." That was Louis.

"At the same place?" Zoey glanced around, before turning off her flashlight. The sudden cry of a startled Witch broke the silence. A yelp followed it. The group of four rushed towards the sounds.

-Back at the Tic Tac Toe game-

"Ow, Emily, that hurt!" Emily, the Witch, had her long, red claws in the Hunter's before her throat.

"Listen to me next time!" Jen, the Hunter, whimpered in an apology, reaching her small clawed hand up to her neck.

"ITCHY!" Jen started to scratch at her throat, around Emily's hand. Emily pulled out the claws, and scratched her friends neck. "Thank yew Emily."

"Jen, you have no throat left, how are you talking?" Jen shrugged.

"I do many things and I have no idea how I can do them. Like how I have no eyes, but I have the best eyesight out of all. Oh, look, a Giant uterus is behing you."

"Jen, that's a Tank."

"So?" Jen waved.

-At the survivors hiding place-

"Don't most Hunter's hang out with Smokers?" Zoey asked.

"Not this one." Bill replied.

"Aren't Hunter's supposed to be male?" Francise asked, scratching his head.

"Female's are better then male's, Francise. We have a higher pain tolerence." Zoey kicked Francise in the shin.

-At the Infected friends-

Jen's throat was quickly patched up, and she started to giggle. Emily knew that giggle all too well. It was the giggle that told her survivors were nearby, and Jen was going to startle Emily, making her chase after her, leading her to the survivors, and killing them. Sometimes, things would catch Jen's mind, causing her to chase after it, and that object was usually a butterfly.

Jen's giggles died in her throat and she curled up into a small ball, falling asleep, and Emily started to sob. See, Witches cry because they can't sleep, and sugar taste so good. Witches can be weird sometimes.

-With the survivors-

Bill nodded his head, and they started to sneak past the two infencted friends. They were too busy trying to be quite, so they didn't notice the Hunter starting to shift, or that the Witches sobs grew louder.

-Infected friends-

Jen's smile grew larger, then she screeched, startling Emily, who got angry, because she fell for it every time, and Jen jumped towards the survivors, Emily chasing after her. Jen stopped in mid pounce, tilting her head to the side, Emily stopping behind her, talons raised. "Is that guy wearing a blouse, Emily?" Emily brought her hands down, also tilting her head.

"I think so." Jen started to jump up and down.

"Emily, you know the deal, if you don't kill them, I'm gonna have to sing."

"But you're the one who startled me."

"Are..are they talking?" questioned Zoey. Jen opened her mouth, took a deep breath, and burst out in song.

"You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine  
And that`s home you know  
With sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine  
Where the peaches grow  
And my house it`s not much to talk about  
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground  
And a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

And its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most  
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes  
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I`ve come to know  
So if you agree have a drink with me  
Raise your glasses for a toast  
To a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

I thank god for my life  
And for the stars and stripes  
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.  
Salute the ones who died  
And the ones that gave their lives so we don`t have to sacrifice  
All the things we love  
Like our chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love."

Francise smiled. "Nope, singing, Zoe. They're singing."

Emily started to growl, and Jen jumped out of the way, hiding on a nearby building. Emily attacked the survivors, killing off three, leaving the last one for her friend. Emily ran off.

Jen jumped down from the building she was on top of, landing in front of Zoey. She crouched down until she was eye level. "In order to find your friends again, open the big closet down there." Jen pointed to the closet that the Tank went in. Jen then jumped away.

-Jen's current position-

Jen's feet were getting sore from jumping around looking for Emily. Growling in frustration, she spotted another Witch, a Wandering Witch. No wonder why her feet were sore, she went from North to South, following her friends sent. Grumbling, she jumped down, startling the Wandering Witch. Before the Witch could attack, Jen spoke. "I'm dearly sorry for startling you, Wandering Witch, but do you have any idea where Witches go after killing someone down here?"

"The Sugar Mill. Why do you want to know?"

"My friend, Emily, is a Witch and I've been following her sent for so long, for me and her are from the North. How far is the Sugar Mill from here?"

"Three day's at your pace, going non-stop," Jen sighed. "But," the Witch continued, "I'll give you a ride, since you are so kind."

"Thank you." The Witch picked up Jen, carrying her to the Sugar Mill.

-At the Sugar Mill-

The Witch set Jen down at the Sugar Mill doors, and Jen was currently searching for her friends. Hearing the familiar sobbing of her friend Emily, and she ran forward, stopping short, and collapsing beside her friend.

Emily smiled, stroaking Jen's hood. "Hi Jen. Where have you been?" Jen growled.

"Shut up. I'm trying to sleep. And my feet are sore." Emily went back to sobbing.


	2. Emily and Jen meet the Southren Survivor

"Jen, shut up." 

"Emily, no." 

"Jen, shut up." 

"Emily, no." 

"Jen, if you don't stop bugging me for grapes, I'll murder you." 

"But I want the grapes!" Emily groaned, knowing she was never going to win, for Jen was persisstant at these things. When she wanted something, she wasn't going to give up. Like how she was when she wanted ice-cream sandwiches. "Jen, if I give you the rest will you shut up?" 

"YES! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!" Emily sighed, and handed the grapes to Jen. Jen squelled in delight, and popped one into her mouth. She munched on it happily.  
"Emily, what would you do if Aiden from our school back in Canada was down here in the Southren part of the States?" Emily raised an eyebrow. 

"Jen, what do you think? I would obviously kill him." Jen popped another grape in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. 

"What if he had a bazooka?" 

"I would chuck you at him." 

"Wh- bu- Why me! Why can't you chuck Bob the Boomer at him!" Jen wailed. 

"He's to fat." 

"The smoker?" 

"To tall." 

" A diffrent Hunter?" 

"They won't come near me. Why are you asking me all these questions?" Jen smiled. 

"He's right behind you." Emily turned around, talons posed at his head, and swipped. He didn't even have time to regester what was happeing, until it was to late, and his head was rolling on the floor. Jen started to giggle and clap, jumping up and down.

"Jen, shut up."

"Emily, buy me ice-cream!" Emily rolled her eyes.

"Fine, Jen, I'll buy you some ice-cream."

"YAY!" Jen crawled towards her friend, purring happily.

-At the survivors-

"Poor Aiden." Rochelle was upset by the fact that they lost their team mate.

"He deserved it, startling a Witch like that." Nick huffed out, then wincing.

"Aw, Nick, ain't nobody deserved to die like that." Ellis was clearly in despair.

"Shut up Overalls."

"Stop arguing you two. The Witch and the Hunter are coming this way." Coach glared at Nick and Ellis.

-The infected friends-

"Emily, some one smells really good." Jen glanced up at the standing Witch from her crawling position.

"Survivors?" Jen nodded.

"But one smells really good. Sorta like... sorta like... CHICKEN!" Jen ran off in the direction of the survivors.

"Jen! Get back here!" Emily chased after her, trying to make sure her friend didn't get killed for her carelessness.

-The survivors-

The Hunter stopped before the survivors, sniffing at each of them, before pouncing on Ellis.

"Get it off! Get it off of me!" The loading of guns was paused when a Witch grabbed ahold of the Hunter's arm, yanking it off.

"Jen! You know better then running off like that! You could have gotten killed!"

"Sorry Emily, but he smells so good! He smells like chicken fried!" The survivors stared at the Witch and the Hunter.

"Yew can talk?" Ellis was astonished.

"The Hunter is a girl?" Nick was dumbfounded. Jen smiled.

"Yes, we can talk, and so far, we are the only one we know of that can still speak English, and zombie," she turned to Nick, "and, yes, I do believe I am of female gender, and you are an idiot."

"Jen! Manners!" Emily smacked Jen upside the head.

"Well it's true!" Jen huffed, then smiled. "Emily, I'm gonna tourcher you. Do you know how? I'm gonna tourcher you by singing. And you know the song."

"Jen, please, no! Anything but that!" Jen opened her mouth and burst out in song.

"You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine  
And that`s home you know  
With sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine  
Where the peaches grow  
And my house it`s not much to talk about  
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground  
And a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

And its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most  
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes  
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I`ve come to know  
So if you agree have a drink with me  
Raise your glasses for a toast  
To a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

I thank god for my life  
And for the stars and stripes  
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.  
Salute the ones who died  
And the ones that gave their lives so we don`t have to sacrifice  
All the things we love  
Like our chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love."

Ellis smiled, and clapped. "Never have I thought I'd hear a song by the Zac Brown Band ever again." Jen pounced on him and hugged him.

"I like cheese." Emily grabbed Jen, and started pulling her away.

"Sorry for wasteing your time, everyone, but I promised to buy Jen some ice-cream." Emily smiled at the group and started to wave.

"Did you know the reason why Witches cry is because they can't sleep and because sugar taste so good?" Jen smiled.

Emily ripped apart the group, and handed Jen the large intestine of Ellis. She munched happily, then curled into a ball once finished, falling asleep. 


	3. They go to Canada and Cirque du Freak

"It taste so good!" Emily was crying because of sugar... yes sugar. Jen was curled up beside her; she lifted up her head. "Emily, shut up! Someone's coming!" Emily stopped sobbing uncrontrolably about sugar. "Who is it?" Emily asked. Jen shrugged. A shadow crept along the wall of the Sugar Mill. It came closer and closer until the owner of the shadow stepped into view revieling...

"CHELSEA!" Jen cried out in joy; Emily smiling for the first time. Chelsea grinned wildly; waving like the wind. "Chelsea! I thought you were in Canada!"

"I thought she was still human..." Emily frowned at the thought.

"Hi you two! Do you know what song I like to sing? It's called the doom song! It goes like this! Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom..." Jen tuned out Chelsea, knowing they weren't going to get anything else out of her for a while. Jen studied Chelsea for a moment. Chelsea had large, wavy wings, green hair with bangs hiding her face, wearing a black long sleaved shirt with a skull on her shirt, red pant's, black knee high boots, and gray gloves. She was caring around two knives - A butcher knife and a cake cutting knife. An idea popped in Jen's head.

"Hey Emily, Chelsea? I have an idea."

"What?" They asked at the same time.

"Let's portray ourselves as humans, and and head back to Canada." They nodded.

The three infected friends caught a Tank and drove him to Canada, they parked him at the border. Jen then popped in two fake plastic eyeballs (She could still move around freely because her senses were higher; and the eyeballs moved around when she wanted them too) and was forced to shower (Zombie's are dead, they have no need to shower) and put her clothes in a washing machine, Emily had to put on gloves that forced her extremly long talons against her arm (Very painful) and put in contacts, and Chelsea had to hide her wings.

Jen was walking with her friends and spotted a peice of paper on the ground. _Cirque du freak_, it read. Jen smiled. "I wanna go see this!" Emily eyed the sheet, then shrugged her head, Chelsea was back to singing her song. Jen ran off, and a few mintues later she came back with three tickets. "Emily, this short guy only gave me two tickets."

"How'd you get the third one, Jen?"

"I picked up the short guy, threw him at a wall, and stole another ticket."

"Jen, just because we're technically dead, that doesn't mean you can steal." Jen whimpered.

-At Cirque du Freak-

"Ticket's please."

"You're tall." Jen told the owner of the Cirque.

"My name is Mr. Tall for a reason."

"Jen, hand him the tickets." Emily placed a finger at Jen's neck and pushed down. Jen's back arched forward, and she yelped. Mr. Tall laughed. Jen handed him the tickets and started singing.

"You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine  
And that`s home you know  
With sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine  
Where the peaches grow  
And my house it`s not much to talk about  
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground  
And a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

And its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most  
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes  
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I`ve come to know  
So if you agree have a drink with me  
Raise your glasses for a toast  
To a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

I thank god for my life  
And for the stars and stripes  
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.  
Salute the ones who died  
And the ones that gave their lives so we don`t have to sacrifice  
All the things we love  
Like our chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love."

Emily screamed. Jen laughed. Chelsea was upside down.

-After the show-

"Emily, I'm gonna steal Mr. Crepsly's spider, 'kay?" Emily smacked Jen upside the head.

"Jen. No." Jen placed a bag of sugar on Emily's lap, distracting her. Emily started to sob. People gave them weird looks. Nobody noticed Jen slip out and steal a spider.

-At this weird abandoned Church, place thingy-

Emily found out that Jen stole the spider and scolded her for it. Then she went to bed. Chelsea went hunting. Jen was "looking" at some guy who looked purple.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Steve Leonard. But when I had friends, I was known as Steve Leopard." Steve explained.

"Why are you purple? What happened to your friends? I'm hungry." Jen cocked her head to one side in an adorable dog like manner. Steve thought she was crazy.

"Uh... I'm a vampaneze, I left them, and what do you want me to do about your hunger? I'm hungry too." He scratched behind his head. Jen smiled.

"Make me a sammich. What do you eat?" He smiled.

"Blood. And you look tasty enough to eat." Jen smiled. Then she slipped off her hood and dug her fingers into her eye sockets, and yanked out the plastic eye balls. Blood started to gush out, and Steve started to bow down to her. When the blood stopped pouring out of her eyes. She demanded that Steve was to go and make her a sammich. He did.

When Steve returned, Darren was in her room. They had an epic battle until Jen smacked them both upside the head, waking up Emily, who stabbed Jen.

Jen ate a sammich.


	4. They meet The Flock

_**A/N: LOL! Sorry, I had to add Cirque Du Freak/ The Vampires Assistant/ The Darren Shan Saga... But Jen does get to keep Madam Octa, cuz she's cool like that. Oh, might as well add that all the charecters (Jen, Chelsea, Emily, Kaylee, and soon to be others) are real people, and are my friends. My name is JEN! My friends gave me permission to add them to this story. There will be alot of crossovers, time-travelling, and the odd dance attack/ninja shit...**_

Jen was playing with her new found pet, Madam Octa, when Emily demanded that they should show the world what a group of zombie friends can do. Jen smiled, and Madam Octa(who got along quite well with her owner, and they went hunting together so they got along quite well) climbed up on Jen's shoulder, then nestled down. Chelsea was letting C.I.D. (Chelsea's Insanity Desise) take over and was flying in the church corridor. Kaylee, a Smoker and friend from school showed up the last night, was busy catching things with her tounge and strangiling them. Life was good for the zombie friends. But they were _hungry_.

The group went out to find something to sink there teeth, claws, and who knows what else into.

-With the Flock-

"Run, you guy's! THE ERASERS ARE GETTING CLOSER!" Max cried out to the rest. Fang, Iggy, Gazzy, Angel, and Nudge. The started to near the edge of the street, when they heard growling, sobbing, coughing, and singing. The stopped, and Ari thought that they were giving themselves up. He was wrong.

-At the infected friends-

Jen screached, pouncing on the man behind the group of children with wings and ripped him shreads. Once she was finished, she started to eat. She was very hungry. The others joined her. Once they were finished, Jen curled up at Iggy's feet. She looked up at him. "I like you. You smell like chicken... or an owl. Maybe a hawk. I like you. I have no eyes! Are you blind? I like blind people. Maybe you should move in with us. I'd be happy if you moved in with us." Iggy looked confused. "Jen, stop talking." Emily snapped.

"OBOE!" Chelsea giggled. Kaylee was listening to her i-Pod. Jen smiled.

"You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine  
And that`s home you know  
With sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine  
Where the peaches grow  
And my house it`s not much to talk about  
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground  
And a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

And its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most  
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes  
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I`ve come to know  
So if you agree have a drink with me  
Raise your glasses for a toast  
To a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

I thank god for my life  
And for the stars and stripes  
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.  
Salute the ones who died  
And the ones that gave their lives so we don`t have to sacrifice  
All the things we love  
Like our chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love."

Emily started to scream and ran into a wall. Three buildings blew up. Jen grinned. "BOOM!"

_**A/N: This one was a crossover with Maximum Ride. Iggy is my favourite charecter. He enjoys blowing things up.**_

_**Izzy: Is that where you got my name from?**_

_**Me: No, Izzy. I got your name before I read the book. I was bored when I created you. Remember? You were a solider in World War II then you got shot and died, then you were a ghost and you find your body, then your a zombie until you blo your-self up with a time machine and Piper sowed you back together and you became human again.**_

_**Izzy: Oh yeah, I blew myself up *scratches behind head* that hurt.**_

_**Iggy: You blew your-self up? HOWZ?**_

_**Me: Iggy, you are NOT blowing your-self up.**_

_**Iggy: Damnit.**_

_**Max: How come you killed Ari?**_

_**Jen: *shrugs* When you have lived with an idiot genius mass murderer as long as I have, you learn how to break any bone in the body and you enjoy killing people you don't like.**_

_**Max: You scare me. Both of you.**_

_**Jen & Izzy: Good.**_


	5. Justin Beiber concert

"EMILY! CHELSEA! KAYLEE! GUESS WHAT I GOT FOR US!" Jen screamed at her friends. They all looked at her.

"Cheese?" Chelsea cocked her head. Jen shook hers.

"Nope. Kaylee, go."

"Lice?" Jen smiled.

"Flea's, actually, but no. Emily?" Jen laughed.

"Well, I know it isn't Justin Beiber concert tickets." Emily rolled her eyes.

"You're right!" Jen giggled. They looked at her in shock. Even Steve, Darren, and the Flock thought she went insane.

"BUT YOU HATE HIM!" They all stuttered.

"Why do you think I got them?" Jen's giggle grew.

"To toture us and yourself?" They told her.

"Psh, no. Where'd you all come from anyway's? I thought you all left and it was just the zombies here." Jen was confused.

"Long story..." Jen shrugged.

"Don't want to hear it." Jen left the room, zombies following her.

-Later that day-

"So, Jen, you're seriously going through with this?" Emily and the others were in their human disguses.

"Yeah, why?" Jen glanced at Emily.

"Because when you were human, you would fall on the ground withering in pain and screaming 'IT BURNS!'" Emily pointedly looked at Jen.

"Who say's the show must go on? Who say's that I have to sit in my seat and listen to his crappy music? These are back stage pases! Hello! I'm not going to listen to him wail about raping babies, I'm going to MURDER him. There's a diffrence." The others looked at each other. It all made sence now.

"HEY! YOU! YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE!" A security gaurd yelled. Jen looked at him, sauntered up to him, and ripped off his head. She then burst into Justin Beibers changing room.

"Whoa! Hey, I know I'm loved but that doesn't mean that you get to burst in here with out any notice! Have you ever heard of knocking?" Justin Beiber was angry.

"Sorry," Jen said sweetly, "but we're zombies, we don't have to listen to pointless human rules any more." Jen pounced on him and before Justin Beiber could utter a single sentence once more, his intestines were strewn across the room, brain splattered against the floor, muscels hanging from the ceiling, and bones were turned to powder. Jen walked onto the stage, covered in blood.

"I'm so sorry to announce this, but Justin Beiber has been terminated from exsitence on this beloved planet called Earth. I am the one who killed him. I am a zombie. You can't put in jail because I'll eat everyone there, and besides, I was doing you all a favour. But you bought tickets to see a show, so I shall give you one." Jen smiled sweetly when she heard Emily groan.

"You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine  
And that`s home you know  
With sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine  
Where the peaches grow  
And my house it`s not much to talk about  
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground  
And a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

And its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most  
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes  
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I`ve come to know  
So if you agree have a drink with me  
Raise your glasses for a toast  
To a little bit of chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

I thank god for my life  
And for the stars and stripes  
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.  
Salute the ones who died  
And the ones that gave their lives so we don`t have to sacrifice  
All the things we love  
Like our chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love

You know I like my chicken fried  
Cold beer on a Friday night  
A pair of jeans that fit just right  
And the radio up  
Well I`ve seen the sunrise  
See the love in my woman`s eyes  
Feel the touch of a precious child  
And know a mother`s love."

Jen jumped away, leaving behind very confused Justin Beiber fans.


	6. Twilight

"Emily, what movie are we seeing?" Jen looked at Emily, who was lounging in the chair. Canada has gotten quite used to having zombies in it, and accepted the girls everywhere. Emily glanced down at the tickets and groaned. "She gave me the wrong tickets!"

"What are we seeing?"

"Twilight." Jen let out a high pitched yelp. The movie started soon after. Jen whimpered often through it.

"Bella, I'm a monster!" Jen growled.

"I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! THAT IS NOT A MONSTER! I'M GOING IN THERE TO PROVE HIM WRONG!" Emily sighed as Jen jumped inside the theater screen, and followed after her.

-In the movie-

"Bella, I'm a monster!" Cried out Edward.

"No. No. Just no. You're not a monster." Jen had her hands on her hips in the defiant female stance.

"You're a fairy. There's a diffrence." Emily chimed in.

"I'm a vampire!" Edward stommped his foot in a child like way.

"And we are zombies." Jen laughed at his pouster.

"Psh, zombies aren't real." Jen smiled.

"Watch this." Jen closed her eyes and groaned. The plastic eyeballs popped out the very second she opened her eyes, causing blood to soak Edward with the gushing blood.

"MY HAIR! MY CLOTHES! MY SKIN! NO!" Edward was crying. Jen laughed.

"I'm a girl and I don't care as much about my looks." Jen nodded at Emily's statement.

"Tis true." Edward charged at Jen and she tackled him. Jen murdered Edward Cullen. She turned to the crowd. "Edward Cullen has been terminated...I'LL BE BACK!" Jen dissapered from the screen giggling maniacly. Emily waved leaving in a cloud of smoke.


	7. Back in America

_**A/N: Sorry if this isn't as funny as the others, if you even consider those funny. But I'm pretty bummed out right now. Generally, being alone from my parent's after school and being all alone sucks. Normally, I'd be playing L4D right now, but I'm pretty sad. I'm so sad, I don't want to listen to music. AND I LOVE MUSIC! Anyway's, no crossovers in this one, just pure, good old retarded friends.**_

Emily the Witch and Jen the Hunter decided to leave Canada and head back to America, and it's not because they think America is better, and belive me they don't, it's because they're bored. And Emily want's to go back to the Sugar Mill and get into a fight with the Witch that has been picking on her over e-mail.

Now, if any Survivors saw them, they would think of them as two survivors arguing, which, infact, they weren't. There conversation goes a little like this:

"Emily, I'm gonna grape you."

"Not if I grape you first."

"You're not going to be able to grape me first, 'cause I'm gonna grape you first."

"Nuh uh."

"Yep. And you can't stop me."

"Wanna bet."

"Did I ever tell you about the time me an' my buddy Keith had a water balloon fight," Jen started mimicking Ellis' southren accent at almost perfection, "You know wha' we filled them balloon's were filled wit? Actually, I ain't gonna tell ya, 'cause you're a little la'y." Emily burst out laughing and Jen yanked out a handful of grapes, and chucked them at Emily.

"Ow, ow, ow, yum, ow." Emily squelled. Jen giggled manically. Emily glared at Jen and roared, causing Jen to turn tail and run, still giggling.

-Jen's current hiding place in the vent-

Jen was panting heavily, still hiding from the growling creature that was known by Emily, now wishing she didn't chuck the grapes at Emily. Her adreniline running through her veins started to stop, allowing her to calm down. Slowly, she started to fall asleep. Then she did.

-Emily's current spot-

Emily knew Jen was up in a vent, she just didn't know which one. Until she heard her Hunter friend yelp. Emily rushed towards the noise, only to see a rather dumb and rather ANGRY Tank pummling her. She was in pain, and maybe dieing. Emily attacked the Tank, killing him.

Emily looked at her friend. It turns out Jen wasn't in PAIN, or dieing, she was just very grumpy for being awoken adrubtly from her nap. She stood, rubbing the back of her head. "Jen, how'd you survive a Tank attack?"

"Emily, you're my Best Friend AND a Witch. I've probably been stabed by you who knows how many times. Besides I'm a female, and a special infected. I'm stronger then I look." Emily just laughed.


	8. Rant Ranch sorry if not funny

_**Jen: Why is this bolded, in italics, and underlined? And why are we in a Ranch?**_

_**Emily: The author of this story needed to straighten things out a bit. This ranch is now known as the "Rant Ranch" or the place we go while the author is sleeping. She is human, she needs to sleep.**_

_**Jen: Why are we ranting?**_

_**Emily: Because the author needs to get things known.**_

_**Jen: Okay.**_

_**Emily: Jen, why are you amused by such simple things?**_

_**Jen: *shrugs***_

_**...**_

_**Jen: I'd like to start off with a few things. Okay, the author is deeply grateful to TasteLikeFailure and to ChuChuMarshmallow for helping her make up her mind and to take Thunder off and fix it around a bit. She wasn't sure if she should add it or not, and decided to anyways. Apparently, asking people who know and like her if a story is good or not is not a good idea. If she is having difficulty with knowing if she should add a story or not, she shall go to them. Get used to it you two. And please, to those who absoulutly hate her stories, tell her. Tell the truth, she will gladly accept it. After all, it is hard to get angry at someone who is voiceing their opinion. Good Canadian girl, eh?**_

_**Emily: And to those who hate her because they know her and want to crush her wierd and demented spirit, she will harm you. That's a threat, don't take it to hard, but her anger is quite scary.**_

_**Jen: Okay, and if you liked her stories at the beggining, but hate it because she killed a Hunter or some other special infected, or, let's say, charecter -it's the author, she kills people who she deems need to be killed in stories- please do not over react. If you have an issue with her killing off special infected, or any infected, how do you play Left 4 Dead? You are supposed to kill them, it's all part of the game.**_

_**Emily: Haha. Hm, oh sorry, watching Youtube. Uh... back to you Jen!**_

_**Jen: *Roll's eyes* We get Youtube in the Rant Ranch? Weird. Anywho, the author hates it when people talk like the are on MSN. And for the example I shall use is actually what she recieved. Tell me if you had a hard time understanding what this person is saying.**_

o hay im desi nd i thnk ur fic is rlly godd i do l4d with my frnds online nd  
wen i ** to look 4 fics to the huntre is my fav evr he so sexxi  
so my frnd tld me abootu th screemer nd i thot of that wen i saw eth casue she  
got th estr8t jaket lik th screemer nd i thot itw as kool tht she had it to so  
imma reda tha rest now kbye RITE MORE lol jkjk but ya rite mroe 

_**And**_

Y DI DU KILL THA HUNTR HE WASTH ONLKOOLINFE CTED THER ND THTSTOPID BITHC  
KLLEDHIM I H8 U! 

_**Please do not write like that. It gives the author headaches. If you want to write like that, go do it somewheres else. **_

_**Emily: Jen, everything gives the author headaches. Even the sun.**_

_**Jen: So? She perfers the night over the day. I agree with her.**_

_**Emily: And on a completely-**_

_**Emilia: *Poof's in randomly* Hi Emily and Jen!**_

_**Emily: Emilia, you're not a zombie, what are you doing here?**_

_**Emilia: I'm a vampire. Emily! I need your frying pan's!**_

_**Emily: Uh, why?**_

_**Emilia: I need to hit some people over the head with them.**_

_**Emily: Okay. *Hands frying pan's to Emilia***_

_**Jen: To finish off what Emily was saying, on a completely side note, please stop flaming Homosexuals. Love is love, no matter if you like the same gender, both genders, or the opposite gender, just stop picking on them. They're only human, they aren't perfect, so, please stop picking on them.**_

_**Emily: *Nods***_

_**Emilia: *Poof's back in* Thanks Emily, here are your frying pans. *Chucks frying pans at Emily* Hey Emily, do you have ice-cream?**_

_**Emily: No.**_

_**Emilia: *Turns around* Jen?**_

_**Jen: MY ICE-CREAM!**_

_**Emilia & Emily: Jen, share.**_

_**Jen: Fine. *Hand's spoons to Emilia and Emily* And that wraps up the Rant Ranch.**_

_**Emily: But beware. We will be back if we need to rant.**_

_**Jen: Yep! Emilia, who's head's did you bash in?**_

_**Emilia: I'm not telling.**_

_**Jen: Tell me!**_

_**Emilia: *Look's at Emily, who nods* Jen, look at what I have! *Start's shakeing keys***_

_**Jen: Oh, My, Godcrakers! It makes me laugh oh so hard. *Fall's to ground giggling like an idiot and clutching side***_

_**Emily: Oh, and if you want your O.C's to be in this story - why, we don't know - be prepared for them to be twisted up so much that you won't be able to recognise them! Bye now!**_


	9. Elm Street

"Emily, I just bought a house."

"Jen where'd you get the money from?"

"Your bank account."

"I don't have one."

"Oh... shit."

"Jen, where'd you get the money from?" Emily moved closer to Jen.

"Um, I don't remember. But guess where we're moving!"

"China?" Emily was being sarcastic.

"No. Elm Street!"

"Isn't that the place with all the unsolved murders?"

"Yep! Isn't it the perfect place for two zombies?"

"Sure Jen. but if you get harmed on by the people in the town...city... whatever, I'm not helping you."

"That's fine. Now go pack, I already did, and our Tank is ready."

"You went back to Canada and got him?"

"No, some Hunter named Jack did... weird."

"People are going to recognize him as a Tank, you know. And we're going to be shot on site."

"Nope. I bought a house in the middle of the woods."

"Okay..." Emily ran upstairs in the abandoned house they were staying in, then ran back down.

"Jen, we don't have anything to pack." Jen smiled.

"I know."

-In their new house-

Jen and Emily had already put the Tank in the garage, and since it was still light out, they went to bed.

-In their strange, yet awesome, combined dreams-

Jen and Emily looked at each other, then Emily saw a man wearing a green and red sweater, a dirty fedora, and a pair of dark brown trousers. His skin was horribly red and it looked at if he was burnt. "Here's Freddy!" Emily screeched and ran off in the opposite direction of Freddy Kruger. Jen followed her, not knowing what was going on.

Jen soon lost sight of Emily, so she turned around to see what they were running from. Freddy was running with his arms outstreached (if you have seen the first original movie, it looks like he want's a hug) as if awaiting for a hug. Jen's smile looked chaotic. She ran towards Freddy and gave him a huge hug. Jen squeezed a bit too hard and Freddy's head popped off. Blood gushed out and Jen whimpered. "I...I just wanted to give him a hug." Jen shrugged and ripped off one of his arms, then munched on it happily.

Emily poofed in with Emilia. "Jen, whatcha doin'?" Jen looked at Emily and Emilia.

"Eating Freddy Kruger. He taste yummy, and the best part is he doesn't need to be cooked, he already is." Jen ripped off a leg. "Have a leg, Emily. Emilia, you silly vampire, want some blood?"

"No, I'll pass. I already fed off of someones head I bashed in with Emily's frying pan."

"Okay."

"Jen, this leg is really good."

"I know hey?" Emily nodded.

-Later-

Jen and Emily woke up the very second the sun was out of the sky. Jen smiled. "Emily, I don't think we need to go hunting tonight. I'm full of Freddy." Emily nodded. They looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Emily, you're a Witch, for God's sake. Why'd you run from a guy with butter knives for fingers? You have bloody TALON'S, you tottally could have taken him!"

"At least I didn't give him a hug and accidently kill him!"

"But he tasted so good!" They burst out laughing again, tears running down their face.

"Oh, God, I feel like I'm going to puke!" Jen started to make sounds like the Boomer, mimicking him. Emily fell to the ground, clutching her side. Jen soon joined Emily on the ground, and they were both gasping for air.

Jen stood up suddenly. "I'm going out to jump around... and feed the Tank. I'll be back, Emily." Emily nodded.


	10. Eric the Stalker

Jen was staring at the boy infront of her. He seemed very quiet. He had bright blue eyes, dark brown hair that was combed over to the left, covering his left eye. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt, with a red t-shirt over top with a "deathbat" logo on it. He was wearing beige cargo pants, and for shoes, he was wearing black converse. "Who are you?" She tilted her head, fake eye's inside flashing oddly.

"Eric. Or Stalker. That's the type of Infected I am. And you?"

"Jen the Hunter! I have a friend named Emily, though."

"You can't be a Hunter."

"And why not!" Jen was offended.

"'Cause you have eyes." Jen smiled at Eric's statement.

"Watch this." Jen pulled her hood back slightly, and dug her fingers into her eye sockets, pulling out the plastic eye balls. Blood driped onto her face, and Eric was back to being quiet. Jen grabbed his arm, and yanked him towards her's and Emily's home, that was now crowded with her zombie friends, Kaylee and Chelsea, and their vampire friend, Emilia.

-At the house-

Jen kicked open the door. "Emily! I brought a new friend home!" Emily tackled Jen and repetedly stabbed her. Once she was finished, Jen sat up and rubbed her head. "Emily, was that because I glued you to the seat this morning?"

"Yes. And Jen, we're not a Hotel. Why do you keep bringing home people?"

"Cause I get bored easily. Eric, this is Emily the Witch. Emily, this Eric the Stalker. Don't kill each other. Emily, my tummy hurts."

"Hi Eric. Do you think you would be able to stay in the Garage? We have a built in room there. The only thing is that the Tank that has nightmares is right next door."

"He's our car!" Jen giggled. Eric was looking at her weirdly. She looked at him. "Eric, once you get settled in, you can join us somewhere's special. By the way, you're the only guy in here except the Tank. But he's our car. And he has no lower jaw. So he's usless except for travel." Eric nodded. "KAYLEE!" Jen howled. Kaylee the Smoker came down and glanced at Eric.

"A new inmate, Jen. It's getting pretty crowded in here."

"I'm gonna rob another bank tommorrow and get some more money."

"JEN!"

"Shit. I gotta go, Eric. I'm going hunting!" Jen hopped out the open window. Eric just blinked.

-Later-

"EMILY! DON'T KILL ME! I'LL SET FREDDY KRUGER ON YOU!"

"YOU CAN'T YOU ATE HIM!" Eric was copying Jen and Emily along with Emilia. It was quite entertaining, actually. Jen quickly scaled a wall, and stayed perched there.

"Emily, I'll make it up to you. I bought a whole bunch of tickets, please don't kill me!" Emily huffed out a sigh, but nodded.

"Fine, I won't kill you... tonight." Jen smiled and tackled Emily, then ran off, handing tickets to everyone. They then piled onto the Tank and rode towards the special place.

-At the circus-

The very second the ring master announced clowns, Eric started to tremble. When the clowns came on and asked him for assistance, he ran screaming Bloody Mary. Jen laughed and slaughtered everyone in the tent, except for her friends. They helped her. Then they ran off to find Eric.

_**A/N: Eric is an O.C. that belongs to Dodgerjoey. He's not mine. I like cheese.**_


	11. The Pyromaniac

Jen, Emily, Eric, Emilia, Kaylee, and Chelsea were hanging upside down on the monkey bars at the playground. Why? They were bored. And what were they supposed to do when they were bored. They can't go to the circus, Eric is afraid of clowns. Jen can't swim anymore, due to the infection.

So they were down right BORED. "Why don't we go kill some people?"

"Jen, you promised you would be quiet."

"Oh... yeah." A weird silence fell over the group. Jen's clawed hands clenched and uncleanched repetedly, until she snapped. "I can't take it anymore! Let's just go home and watch some movies, play some video games, play some bored games, play some card games, pig out on ice-cream, and sleep!" The other's eyes widened in shock. Of course! Doing some off the laziest things in the world destroyed boredom. The small group smiled, and droped to the ground.

-At the house-

The group was watching Zombieland, and laughing their head's off. "Th-th-the one wearing the cowboy hat reminds me of Ellis!" Jen burst out laughing as soon as she finished her sentence. Chip bags, empty Ice-cream cartons, pop cans, water bottles, unfinshed bored games, cards, and a few opened video games layed scattered on the floor.

As soon as the movie was over, Jen glanced at the clock. The sun was about to rise soon. "I'm off to bed now. Have fun during the day." Soon after Jen had changed, she became nocturnal.

-In Jens room in the basement-

Jen opened the closet door and saw an old friend of her's. "Nadia!" Nadia was from Archery. Nadia smiled. "Hi Jen."

"Nadia, what are you doing in my closet?"

"I got infected, randomly conbust into flames, and when I woke up, I was stuck in this closet."

"Huh. That's pretty sweet. Oh, just go upstairs and make your self at home, maybe introduce you self to a few of my friends."

"Okay." Nadia left the room, and Jen went to sleep.

...

Only to be woken up a few minutes later. "JEN!" Emily kicked down her door, and picked Jen up be her hood. "Hi Emily. Don't hurt me. Nadia is an old friend of mine who was recently infected and now conbusts into flames."

"Okay."


	12. The Angry Tree Attacks

Jen, Emily, and the gang were walking through the woods when a tree chucked an apple at Jen. Jen screamed, and chucked it back at the tree. The tree roared at Jen, yanked it's root's out of the ground, and started chasing after Jen. Jen ran further into the woods and into this random placed metal pole. "OH, COME ON! ARE ALL STRAIGHT AND HARD OBJECT'S AFTER ME?" Jen then just realised what was said, and facepalmed. "Well, that came out completly wrong..."

Jen took off again, and ran into a randomly placed wall. She started to growl slightly, then moved on. Then she ran into a door, started to growl stronger. She ran into a boulder, and screeched. Then Jen ran into an open highway. "Finally. Nothing hard for me to get hit in the face with."

Jen was then hit by a bus.

...

Jen picked herself off of the ground. "Ow." She stated, rubbing her head.


	13. The Concert

"I've been thinking..." Jen started out.

"That can't be good." Emily smiled while rolling her eyes. Jen growled at her, and Emily held up her hands in a mock surender.

"I was thinking about starting a band." The others looked at each other.

"That's actually a really good idea, Jen." Eric piped up from being in an emo huddle in the corner, after having a relapse of the circus incedent.

Jen smiled. "It's settled then. We have formed a band."

-Later-

The group set up on a stage after a week of becoming famous. The red curtains opened, and they started their first song. Jen got bored half way through and walked over to Emily, who was playing the piano. "Hey Emily?"

"Hm?"

"Can I set people on fire? I wanna see if they survive being alight on fire."

"No."

"I'm gonna do it anyways, you know that, right?"

"I gathered."

"Good."

Jen pulled out a Molotov, light it, and chucked it into the crowd. People scattered and Jen giggled. "Yay, I killed people!" The others rolled their eyes.

A man with blonde hair and wearing all black and sunglasses appeared on the stage.

"Hello. I want to hire you to get rid of a group of people."

"No... why are you wearing sunglasses at night? It's like that song that Corey Hart. It goes like this:

I wear my sunglasses at night  
So I can, so I can  
Watch you weave  
Then breathe your story lines  
And I wear my sunglasses at night  
So I can, so I can  
Keep track of the visions in my eyes

While she's deceiving me  
It cuts my security  
Has she got control of me  
I turn to her and say

Don't switch the blade  
On the guy in shades, oh-no  
Don't masquerade  
With the guy in shades, oh-no  
I can't believe it  
'Cause you got it made  
With the guy in shades, oh-no

And I wear my sunglasses at night  
So I can, so I can  
Forget my name while you collect your claim  
And I wear my sunglasses at night  
So I can, so I can  
See the light that's right before my eyes

While she's deceiving me  
She cuts my security  
Has she got control of me  
I turn to her and say

Don't switch the blade  
On the guy in shades, oh-no  
Don't masquerade  
With the guy in shades, oh-no  
I can't believe it  
Don't be afraid  
Of the guy in shades, oh-no  
It kinda scared you  
'Cause you got it made  
With the guy in shades, oh-no

Oh, I say I wear my sunglasses at night  
I wear my sunglasses at night  
I wear my sunglasses at night  
I say it to you now  
I wear my sunglasses at night  
I wear my sunglasses at night  
I wear my sunglasses at night  
I cry to you  
I wear my sunglasses at night  
I wear my sunglasses at night."

"You are weird."

"ATTACK!"

Jen and Emily ran at the man wearing sunglasses at night and proceded to rip out his intestines and bash his head in with a frying pan, until Emilia popped in. "Emily. I need your frying pans."

"I'm using it right now."

"So? Who's that?"

"I'm Albert Wesker. I'm trying to get her to work for me."

"Why not just move in with us? We need an adult in the house anyways."

"That would work. Jen get off of him." Emily looked at Jen. Jen poked Weskers cheeks.

"Okay," Jen looked at Wesker, " you have squishy cheeks." Wesker shoved Jen off of him.

"I'm gonna need the basement."

"MY BASEMENT!"

Emily glared at Jen. "Jen, share."

"Fine. But he only get's half the basement." Jen huffed.

"Dea-"

"Jen." Emily said in a warning tone.

"A quarter?" Emily raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, half of a quarter. But that's my final offer."

"Good girl." Jen purred, hissed at the rising sun, then scurried home.

"Dare I ask?" Wesker glanced at them. They shook their heads. 


	14. The Werewolf

"So, I'm sharing the basement with..."

"Jen." Emily looked at him, while leading him through the woods.

"Right Jen. Is there anything I should know abouut her?"

"Yes. She hates being woken up - she's nocturnal - , she angers quickly, she hates the light, she has no eyes, she's territorial, and she likes video games and ice-cream sandwhiches. Here we are." Wesker looked at the house infront of them. Then Emily shoved him downstairs.

-In the kitchen-

Emily was making a peanut butter sandwhich when Amanda appeared. "Hey Emily, I'm a werewolf, I'll be downstairs." Emily nodded.

-In the Basement-

Amanda howled, waking up Jen, who screamed.

-In the Kitchen-

Emily heard the howl emitted from Amanda and abandoned her sandwhich. Which Chelsea swipped.

-In the basement-

Jen waved at Amanda, then tackled Wesker.

Wesker tried to shove Jen off, but failed, and emitted a high pitched girly scream, while Jen tried to suck out his brain with a vacuume cleaner through his nose. Emily was about to stab Jen in the head, on to stab Chelsea who jumped infront of Jen. Peanut butter dripped onto Jen's face as she turned around. "Chelsea, why was a peanut butter sandwhich in your head?"

"'Cause."


	15. The contest

_**Jen: Another Rant Ranch! Yay!**_

_**Emily: You enjoy ranting, don't you?**_

_**Jen: Yes. It's one of the top things I like to do.**_

_**Emily: I see. But this isn't an actual Rant Ranch today, it's a contest to be held for a parent.**_

_**Jen: Oh, yeah. Wesker doesn't really count as a parent, does he?**_

_**Emily: No, he's to busy trying to take over the world.**_

_**Jen: Yeah, that's pretty funny.**_

_**Emily: *Roll's eyes* Anyway's, if you have an O.C. that you would like to have as parent, let us know. Add everything that you need to have in order for our contest. We will announce the winner New Years day!**_

_**Jen: So add please! Our we'll have to kidnap Rochelle. *Read's list* Or some person named Claire Redfield.**_

_**Wesker: NOOOOOOO! Well, I'm fucked.**_


	16. Dr Suess

_**Jen: I like cheese.**_

_**Emily: Jen, you smell like cheese, so please.**_

_**Jen: Emily, why are you so mean?**_

_**Emily: Because Jen, you look like your a teen.**_

_**Jen: Insulting me because I'm shorter then you?**_

_**Emily: Yes, and you smell like poo.**_

_**Jen: I DO NOT!**_

_**Emily: Uhhh, I don't know how to respond to that.**_

_**Jen: Maybe it's because you are so fat?**_

_**Emily: At least I don't look like crap.**_

_**Jen: I don't know how to rap.**_

_**Emily: The score is four to one.**_

_**Jen: You're no fun.**_

_**Emily: So that's how you want play.**_

_**Jen: Emily, please, I can out insult anyday.**_

_**Emily: You shall be bit?**_

_**Jen: You little shit.**_

_**Emily: At least I don't look like a monkey.**_

_**Jen: So, you smell funky.**_

_**Emily: Careful Jen, I'm a witch.**_

_**Jen: You forgot to add bitch.**_

_**Emily: The score is five to three.**_

_**Jen: You look like a tree.**_

_**Emily: You smell like a... a... a...**_

_**Jen: You fucked Wesker, which is an insult on it's own.**_

_**Emily: I DID NOT FUCK WESKER! **_

_**Jen: The score is five-five, Emily, you're going down.**_

_**Emily: And roun' and roun'.**_

_**Jen: I'm bored, Emily, and you're a whore.**_

_**Emily: You're rotten down to the core.**_

_**Jen: Let's just finish this.**_

_**Emily: Hey, look, it's Chris.**_

_**Jen: And slut, cunt, Wesker fucker, little shit, fat cow, rascal, animal murderer, twat. The score is thirteen to six. You feel the heat?**_

_**Emily: Aww, Jen, you're too sweet.**_

_**Jen: Gosh, Emily, go suck Wesker's dick.**_

_**Emily: I give up. With all these Wesker insult's, I'll never be able to win.**_

_**Jen: The let me finish. No hard feelings with the insults?**_

_**Emily: No, I don't mind. Now continue.**_

_**Jen: Thank you. Wesker's whore, Wesker's maid, Wesker's slut, Wesker's slut, Wesker's GIRLFRIEND! **_

_**Emily: The score is twenty-one...**_

_**Jen: YAY! I WON!**_

_**Wesker: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS FIGHT! I'm playing poker with Nick.**_

_**Nick: Yo.**_

_**Jen: NICK IS A HOE!**_

_**Nick: Say what?**_

_**Wesker: You were just dragged into a soon to be legendary "Dr. Seuss Insult Match."**_

_**Emily: Haha, he lost.**_

_**Jen: Tottally. *Holds out hands* Emily, good match, no hard feelings?**_

_**Emily: *Shakes hands* I'm going to kill you when you least expect it because of the Wesker insults.**_

_**Jen: WESKER!**_

_**Wesker: Jen, I'm busy. Go do something.**_

_**Jen: ... I'm gonna blow up your lab then.**_

_**Wesker: NO!...Crap.**_


	17. Snow

Jen woke up, only to see the ground covered in white. "SNOW!" Out of the corner of her eye, she seen Wesker jump. "Oh, your up Jen."

"Yep. Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow..."

"Jen, shut up."

"Fine. Wesker, where are the others?"

"Hawaii. Why?"

"So...it's just me and you here?"

"Yep. They took the Tank."

"Wesker," Jen bounced on the bed, "have a snow ball fight with me!"

"No, I'm busy."

"WESKER! I'M BORED! HAVE A SNOW BALL FIGHT WITH ME!"

"Fine."

-Later-

Jen and Wesker headed outside, and Jen ran off to hide. Wesker rolled her eyes, and used the cold white powder on the ground to make a snow ball. Jen smiled, and lanched a serise of snow ball's at Wesker, who launched them right back.

After three hours, the duo went inside, and Wesker made them supper and hot chocolate.

"Wesker?"

"Hm?"

"You would be a good Dad. Or something relativly close to one."

"Mhh." He thought for a moment. "What's that supposed to mean?"

-The other's come home-

Emily and the gang glance at Wesker trying to choke Jen, who was laughing and pouring hot chocolate on his head. Wesker yelped as soon as the hot liquid hit the back of his head, and ran off. Jen smiled. "Welcome home!"


	18. Nazi Zombies

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Emily and Wesker watched Jen run around the house a few more times before Emily stuck out a foot and tripped her.

"Jen, what's wrong?"

"Well, how should I put this? Oh, I know! Remember Hitler and his Nazi's?"

"Yes, why?"

"They're back. I'm running around trying to think of a way to protect all the Jews, disabled, and Homosexuals. All I can think of envolves guns."

"..."

"Cheese."

"Well, Nazi's are back. And they are zombies. There is only one way to deal with them. With guns."

"Well there's another way." Jen and Emily looked a Eric.

"And what's that?"

"We can get rid of them."

"Okay, that would work. TO THE TANKMOBILE!" Everyone piled onto the Tank.

-Later-

After contacting everyone they could, they all set out to the Nazi's.

"ALL HAIL HITLER!"

"No. I shall kill Hitler." Jen spoke up from the back of the crowd. Every Nazi turned only to get lead in the Face, or to be turned to shreads, or some where's along that line.

Jen turned and killed Hitler, then took his head and mounted it on the Tank. Everyone went home.


	19. World Domination

"Hey Emily, I need help with world domination."

"Okay?"

"Well you see, I could take over the world by brain washing all the Rulers of the country. Or by cutting off water supplies or by..."

"Jen, why not just take over the world using the story Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter?"

"I shall do that! Thanks Emily!"

"Anytime!"


	20. Brain Surgery

"Who wants a cookie?" Wesker waved a cookie around while walking down the stairs, luring Jen and Chelsea down the stairs. As soon as the two were safely laying down on the gurneys, Wesker strapped them in. He pulled out a needle, and inserted it into Jen's arm. Jen rolled her eyes, and went back to sleep. He put another needle in Chelsea's arm, but it had a different effect. Chelsea giggled, and calmed down.

Wesker's hands curled around the top of Chelsea's head, and started to twist it around. The top of the head popped off with ease, and he dug his fingers into the line that appeared in her brain; it swung open easily.

Inside Chelsea's brain, were four sections, and in those four sections, were fourteen people - whom Wesker assumed were brain cells. In one section, it was padded and two people were there. One was in the middle of the section, rocking back and forth singing "I like cheese, I like bugs, I like _KILL JEN_, and I like me," while the other was eating ice-cream. The ice-cream fell off of the cone, and the other person went into a wall, and opened it. In the section the little person went into was a man sitting in the middle of the room meditating. "Hey, you got any ice-cream?" The man meditating turned and faced him.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" The man who asked for ice-cream whimpered and quickly slammed the door shut. Wesker's eyes moved onto the third section, where ten people were crammed into one space, dancing to the disco. One man left the others and went into the fourth section, which had no people, just a chip. "Hey, a chip!" The man bent down, ate the chip and started to run around in circles, and dropped dead.

Wesker slammed the brain shut, screwed the head back on, and sank to the floor.

Chelsea's brain _scared _him, _him_ Albert Wesker.

Wesker moved onto Jen, repeated the same procces to get into Chelsea's brain, and listened. "World Domination... World Domination... World Domination." Why was Jen asleep anyways?

Wesker looked at the needle he inserted Jen with. The color drained from his face. Instead of clorophiming her in a weird way, he inserted the... T- virus.

Well crap.


	21. STARS

Emily smiled at this man - no Chris - and invited him and his team mate Jill inside. "So, uh," Chris scratched the back of his head, "Wesker lives here right?"

"Yes, I do live here, Chris." The two faced each other ready to kill. That was until Emily stepped in.

"Wesker, where's Jen?"

"Brain surgery, mix up with needles, and she's asleep." Emily raised her claw's and aimed it at Wesker.

"What did you do to her?" Wesker squeeked.

"I accidently inserted the T-virus into her." Emily attacked Wesker, leaving him a bloody pulp, and started to cook dinner.

"If I come back and find anyone dead, there will be blood to play." Wesker fixed himself up and set himself at the tabble. The others joined him. Emily left the room to go feed the Tank.

What everyone failed to notice was Jen sneaking up behind Wesker. "HEY WESKER! GUESS WHAT!" Wesker jumped out of the seat and hung from the ceiling. Jen smiled and waved to him. Then she disappered. She reappered behind Chris, leaned in close to him, and shouted in his ear, "WHO ARE YOU!" Chris joined Wesker on the ceiling. Jen sat down in the chair. Emily walked in, glanced at the two one the ceiling, then on the red paint. It read: Jen wuz herez. Emily looked back at the two hanging from the cieling. "I'm not going to ask about this." Emily left the room.


	22. Happy Halloween

_**Jen: Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Halloween!**_

_**Emily: Jen, you're right. Happy Halloween everyone!**_

_**Kaylee: Happy Halloween!**_

_**Amanda: HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEN!**_

_**Chelsea: KILL JEN!**_

_**Eric: Happy Halloween...**_

_**Nadia: Happy Halloween.**_

_**Emilia: Happy Halloween!**_

_**Tank: Grahhhh! *Happy Halloween***_

_**Wesker: *Holds up needle* Who's being a zombie for Halloween? *Crazy smile***_

_**Author: So, yeah, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. I'm being Jen... A HUNTER! Anyway's Happy Halloween, tell me what you're being!"**_


	23. Happy Halloween part 2

"Wesker, what are you wearing?"

"A halloween costume... I think?"

"Who dressed you?" Emily raised an eyebrow.

"I don't... nobody did! I came out of the shower and this was all I could find." Wesker's shoulders deflated. Jen kicked him in the back of the head. He glared at Jen. Chelsea walked into the room, and giggled at what Wesker was wearing. Wesker was wearing a skin tight shirt that was bright yellow, fishnet stockings, bright flame red high heeled boot's, and neon green hair that clashed with his red cat eyes. But the worst were his shorts. Hot pink short shorts.

"I dressed Wesker! He's a hooker!" Chelsea giggled.

"Wesker?" The gang was inside the room, crowding around him.

"What?"

"TAKE US TRICK OR TREATING!" They all shouted.

"Fine."

-Later-

Once they finished trick or treating (which gained alot of weird stares of Weskers outfit), Everyone went to bed, except for Jen and Emily. They were sitting at the table, steaming cups of hot chocolate in their hands. "You know," Emily took a sip of her hot chocolate, "Chelsea never did tell us were she hid Wesker's clothes." Jen had a thoughtful look in her eye. She took a swing of her hot chocolate, polishing it off, and put her cup in the sink.

"She probably hid them in the washing machine. It's Chelsea, she's not very bright." Jen headed to bed.


	24. Skyscraper

Jen jumped. Off of a skyscraper. Wesker just managed to get down in time in order to catch Jen. "What were you thinking?"

"Who said I was thinking?" Wesker rolled his eyes, and spotted Emily coming down. Wesker did the splits in order to catch Emily.

"Ow." Soon, the entire gang was falling, and Wesker was jumping around to catch them. As soon as he caught them all, they ran back up to the top of the skyscraper, held hands, and fell. Wesker's glasses fell off of his face, as the gang plumitted to the ground.

...

Everyone was astounded when they found out that Wesker had managed to catch them. The gang went home.


	25. Remember

Jen and Emily were sitting alone because the others ran off. "I was thinking Emily."

"About what?"

"Ellis. He look's familiar."

"Now that I think about it, he does." Emily stood from the kitchen table, beckoning to Jen to follow her. Jen stood. Together, they entered the living room, where Emily was digging through piles of videos. She pulled one out, and tossed it to Jen.

"The Most Awesome Day Ever? Emily, what's this?"

"I don't know. It's the only movie we haven't watched though, pop it in." Jen did so, and curled up on the couch, head resting in her hands.

-The Flashback After Watching the Movie-

Jen was sitting beside Keith, with Emily and Ellis in the swan boat behind them. Ellis had a video camera, and was laughing as Keith bugged Jen. Emily had a hand over her mouth, poorly catching the escaping giggles. The two heard a scream, and saw Jen sitting alone in the boat, Keith over board, and Jen forcing his head to stay down. "And never again, will you bug me." Ellis was shaking so badly, causing Emily to take the camera from Ellis.

"You're his best friend! How can you stand watching this?" Emily stared at Ellis.

"You hav' ta addmit it, he was askin' for it." Emily just nodded her head.

Emily and Jen got paired up with the two after waiting in line. You see, the two girls had gone on every ride at the amusement park, except for the tunnel of love, but they didn't want to seem gay. This is were Ellis and Keith came in, who over heard the girls predictement. They offered to help out.

The park had to close down the ride to get the girl with anger issue's to stop drowning the boy. They then had to phone the Hospital to send down an amubulance, and the City Police, to catch the girl who was currently running across the Roller Coaster - The Screaming Oak. Ellis and Emily were still video tapping it.

By the time the Cops had caught Jen, they ran out of room to tape anything else. Ellis gave Emily a ride to the Station so she could bail out Jen, and gave her the tape. Jen chucked a cup at Emily, telling her to pick her up in the morning, who laughed when Ellis swung Jen over her shoulder. Jen promptly kicked Ellis, having no effect what so ever.

Three day's later, Emily and Jen were changed.

Three weeks later, a zombie apocolypse had begun.

-Later-

Jen woke with a start, and glanced at Emily. She suddenly felt sad. Jen poked Emily. Emily looked at Jen. "Em?"

"Hm?"

"When the other's get back, can we go help out Ellis?"

"Okay."

_**A/N: OOOOhhhh. I'm foreshadowing or whatever it's called. Wow, this one was a bit sad.**_


	26. Mah Bitchez

Jen and Emily decided to leave early, packing up the Tank - who was now named Bobby - and left. No note what so ever. Dressed up as humans, once again, and headed off to go find Ellis... and the others.

On the way to Whispering Oaks, they found Jimmy Gibbs Jr.'s stock car. Jen jumped down and took a long sniff. She turned back to Emily, smiling lightly, and nodded. "They were here. Went that way. Bobby, take the car. Don't throw it. I want to keep this girl. She's a beut." Bobby nodded dumbly, and Emily strapped the car securly onto Bobby's back, tightening it once before jumping down and joining Jen.

Jen jumped down an off ramp, useing her Hunter skills to a good use for once. Emily and Bobby joined her. Jen stopped at an abandoned army truck, picked up a gun, and cheaked it. Then she smelt around. "They were here. It's a fresh sent. Bobby, stay hidden. Emily, pick up a gun. We're going back to Whispering Oaks." Emily smiled, picked up a gun, and Bobby went to go hide.

-At the Surviver's-

"Hey, did I ever tell ya'll 'bout the time Keith drowned in the tunnel of love? It was funny. He kept screaming for his lady to help him, but she didn't wanna get wet."

"Ellis, if you're gonna tell that story, you should tell it right. I wasn't Keith's girlfriend, and I was to busy drowning him so I didn't have time to help him. And it's not like you were trying to help him out either. You were too busy video tapping and laughing at him. You ran out of video tape and drove Emily down to the station to come pick me up 'cause I was caught by the police." Ellis turned around, just to see a small girl standing behind him, and a slightly taller girl behind her.

"Jen! Emily! Man, I thought you guy's were zombies! I swore I saw you before. Musta been my imagination. How have ya been?" Emily, not very quick at making up lies, was lucky to have Jen by her side, who was used to making up little quickies.

"Oh, not much. Killing zombies, scaring the hell out of other survivors. Oh, yeah, I tamed a Tank. Guess what!"

"What?" Ellis was mesmerised.

"I found Jimmy Gibbs Jr.'s stock car a few miles back. Man, it's a hot car."

"I tottally agree with you." Ellis nodded, curls bouncing up and down. Nick butted in, holding his hands up.

"Ellis, how do you know them? How did you tame a tank? I think you're lying." Jen glared at Nick.

"At least I'm not some sort MAN-WHORE! God, I didn't catch you're name, but you look like you'd be a Nick. What did you do when the world was semi-normal? Hump everything that moved? Cheat on your ex-wife? Eat horse? Are you some sort of Nazi? Con everything out of good, though naive, people like Ellis? Get your wife preger's then leave her? I don't think you deserve to live." Nick's jaw dropped. Coach laughed.

"Nick, they are coming with us." Coach laughed once more. Ellis laughed, bringing them up to his side, and continued to kill infected.

-Later-

Jen, Emily, and the gang of survivors made it. They finally made it to what is considered a safe zone. Only for the military to stop Jen and Emily. "Hold it. These two look a little suspicious. That one look's a bit short." He pointed towards Jen. Jen growled.

"I'm thirteen..."

"Makes sence. That one's a bit too pale for my liking." Emily's head shot up. Again, Jen covered for her.

"She's part albino."

"Okay. But just to make sure, you should go through the Zombie-scan-tron 3000." Jen just then decided to tell the truth. Well, part of it.

"We killed Justin Beiber!" The military official smiled.

"Come on in!" Jen and Emily walked right in.

-Three hours later-

The zombies took over on Jen's account. They left eight soliders left. The survivers were suprised - except for Ellis, who gladly accepted the girls with open arms and a large smile. One of the soliders was able to ask one simple question.

"W- who are you?"

"Me? I'm Jen the Hunter, and these? These are my bitches. Except for Emily, she scares me." Keith jumped out of no where.

"Ellis!"

"Keith!" They ran together and gave each other a hug. Jen and the other's killed the soliders.

Ellis, Keith, and Nick were forced - well, Nick was - to move in with Jen and Emily.


	27. Remeberance Day

_**Author: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! **_

_**...**_

_**Sorry, I lost a sheet with all the story idea's that I had. And some of them were awesome! I can only remember one, but, I realised I missed Rememberance Day on Navemeber 11. So I invited our favourite war veteran from Left 4 Dead, Bill! Now, you all must be thinking, Bill's dead, he died in the Sacrafice. But, I have done VooDoo before, meaning I know a bit of the Black Arts. I pulled Bill out of where ever the hell he was and brought him here. Say hi Bill!**_

_**Bill: Why am I here?**_

_**Author: For my awfulness of forgetting Rememberance Day. Now Bill, I have a few questions for you.**_

_**Bill: Ask away.**_

_**Author: How did it feel like to be pounded to death by three Tanks?**_

_**Bill: It hurt like fucking hell.**_

_**Author: Interesting. But I've been to hell before, it's actually quite nice. Pretty flames... *shakes head* So, Bill, where did you go when you died?**_

_**Bill: First, I went to Limbo - purgatory - then I was standing at the Pearly Gates, and then I was here.**_

_**Author: So, I took you away from Judgement. Sorry. Anyway's, I was wondering if there is any of the survivors ypu want to apologize to. Why do you want to say your sorry?**_

_**Bill: All of my Team mates, actually. I'm sorry Francis, I wasn't able to insult you once more before I died. Louise, I left some pills in my back pocket if you want them. And Zoey. Zoey, Zoey, Zoey, I'm sorry for not being able to say goodbye, and for not saying sorry.**_

_**Author: Bored now. Out of the war that you went to, you prbably had friends, allies, and enimies. Do you wish they were alive?**_

_**Bill: The ones that died in the war, yes. The ones that were turned into zombies? I hope someone kills them to put them out of their misery.**_

_**Author: Lovely! Well, thats all the time we have for today, see you in the next chapter! **_


	28. The Lost Chapters

_**A/N: OMG! I'm free of my guilt! I have found the MISSING CHAPTERS! And since I have been terrible, I shall add ALL EIGHT chapters in this one! YAY! Onwards!**_

_**TIME TRAVEL**_

Emily came down stairs in time to witness Jen and Wesker wearing safety goggles. There was a giant flash of white, and when Emily went upstairs and outside, she noticed that they weren't on Elm Street anymore. They were in Italy, Renissance Italy.

Jen joined Emily outside. The villagers grabbed Jen and started chanting: "Witch! Witch! Burn the Witch!" Jen yelped.

-Later-

The villagers tied Jen to a post and set it on fire. The started to dance around, then stopped when they saw she was unharmed. Jen uncut herself from the stake and slaughtered everyone. Jen went back to the house.

"And I stand by my statement, I hate Renissance Europe. Luckily my kind enjoys being set on fire. I'm going to bed. WESKER! BRING US BACK TO THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY!"

"Eye eye, Captain."

Wesker brought them back to Elm Street.

_**Outer Space**_

Jen was walking through the woods when she saw a beam. Being a Hunter, Jen was attracted to shiny objects. And this beam was very shiny. Jen ran into the beam, only to be zapped up moments later. "Roek?" Jen glanced around. Everything was so shiny.

"Code red. Code red. Repeat. Code red. Intruder onboard." Jen growled at the mysterious voice, going into a crouched defensive position. People swarmed around her. She heard whispering.

"Deffinatly a Fighter. Look at that position."

"Are you sure? It look's so short."

"I am not short, you're just freakishly tall." Jen growled at the people. "Besides, numbskull, I happen to be thirteen. I'm a kid." Jen crossed her arms in a huff. Their hushed voices repeated what she just said. The crowd parted. A very important looking man stopped infront of her.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Jen. I'm hungry. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm bored. Why are you a monkey in a suite?"

"Jen, do you know where you are?"

"Someplace with lots of shiny things. I like shiny things."

"Jen, you're on a very important ship. You are know in our custudy until you die, or are killed."

"But I'm hungry, and angry, and tired, and bored."

"I understand. Let one of my best men show you around, then you shall be able to eat."

"Actually, I can eat right now."

"Oh, what do you eat?"

"Human. I'm a zombie. I'm Jen the Hunter." Jen attacked everyone, killing them all, crashing the shiny objects, then she dragged the spaceship back home. Jen kicked open the door to their house. "Em-Bo-Bemily! I found shiny objects!" Everyone - except Wesker the party pooper - carrased the shiny objects.

_**Mah Bitch**_

"He's my bitch."

"No, he's mine."

"No, he's my bitch."

Jen and Emilia argued back and forth.

"Ellis is my bitch!" Jen shouted.

"No he's mine!" Emilia shot back.

Ellis' eyes went wide. He glanced at Nick, mouthing "I'm what?" Nick shrugged.

"No! He's mine. Ellis is my bitch because he is Nick's bitch and Ellis Jr.'s bitch and they both are my bitches."

"Ellis... Jr.?" Nick and Ellis' eyes went wide.

"Yes. Ellis Jr. Jimmy Gibbs Jr.'s smexy beast of a car."

"Oh."

_**Back to School**_

Jen and Emily were forced to go back to school. They got bored in the pep rally and Jen sat on her cell phone, accidently phoning Ellis. When Ellis picked up, he heard screaming. "Jen and Emily are in trouble! Nick, Wesker, Keith! We're going to save Jen and Emily!"

-At the school-

Jen and Emily were currently have epic dance parties in their classroom. The door was suddenly kicked down. Jen and Emily looked at Ellis, Nick, and Keith. "Why are you here?"

"You phoned me and people were screaming."

"I must have Butt Phoned you. Sorry."

_**Spikey**_

Jen was staring at the Hunter before her, looking exactly like her. "Spikey!"

"Jen!" The two jumped, hugging each other in mid-air. The others stared, Jen was very territorial when it came to other Hunters.

"Who are you?" Eric asked, pointing at Spikey. Jen answered for him.

"He's my doppleganger! Sorta like a twin. There is even a book about it. 'My Doppleganger and Me'. It's a rule book basically saying: He can't die or I will never be complete, and vice-versa." Eric cocked his head.

"I thought dopplegangers can only be removed by casting a spell."

"No," Spikey spoke this time, "it can also be removed by having an utterly shitty day." Jen nodded and bumped up against Spikey. He bumped back. "After we split, Jen became a little weird. I gained her seriouse side, while she kept the silly side. Oh, I'll be living in the basement with Jen and Wesker, by the way."

"Who said you can live here?" Emily crossed her arms. Spikey snarled.

"You've seen Jen when she's pissed off, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm ten times worse. And I can summon that fear installing power anytime I want."

"You can live here then."

_**The Hugging Witch**_

"HELP ME!" Jen and Spikey cried out as a strange looking Witch chased after them.

"Give me a Mother Fucking Hug already!" The two Hunter's split, Jen jumping and cowering behind Emily, while Spikey went to hide on Bobby.

"Jen, who's this?"

"Kristy, the Witch that gives people hugs when you startle her, and won't let go." Emily side stepped.

"Have at her. She hates hugs." Kristy hugged Jen. Emily let her move in with them.

_**Immune**_

Wesker had finally snapped. He pulled out a gun, and shot each of them in the head. They were unharmed. "We'll. It seems we can not die."

"Indeed."


	29. I'm LATE!

Wesker was rushing around, screaming "I'm Late!" which woke Jen up from her slumber.

"What's wrong Wesker?"

"I'm late!"

"Oh, my God! You _ARE _a _CHICK_!"

"What? No." Jen ignored him as usual.

"It explains everything. You're moody, you're late, and there was a strange guy over last night. It's obviouse! You're pregnant!" Jen ran upstairs and into the kitchen, swinging Emily around and away from the stove.

"Hi Jen. Look. Pancakes!"

"YAY! Hey! Don't distract me from the wonderfully weird news about Wesker! He's a _SHE_! He's moody, he's late, and there was some dude over last night. I'm going on all knowing Facebook and searching up Chris Redfeild to tell him the weird news!"

"Sweet. Eat your pancakes."

"YAY! Spikey shall get none!" Jen pulled put this random laptop, and went on Facebook, telling Chris the news about Wesker. Spikey came in, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, Spikey, why do you have eyes, but Jen doesn't?"

"I'm what she used to be, in a way, so I kept the eyes while she didn't. Dude, any pancakes left?"

"Nope." Jen answered for Emily, dropping the last pancake in her mouth.

Wesker was laughed at for two months after that.


	30. South Park

_**Jen: Ummm, Em-Bo-Bemily, where are we?**_

_**Emily: Jen, I thought you could read.**_

_**Jen: No eyes. And Spikey's not here, so I can't see.**_

_**Emily: Oh, well, we are *reads conviently placed sign* in South Park apparently.**_

_**Jen: Is Justin Beiber here?**_

_**Emily: No Jen, you killed him.**_

_**Jen: YAY! So, should we go do something?**_

_**Emily: Like what?**_

_**Jen:*See's a crying girl* Let's go help her! *Rushes away***_

_**Emily:*Groans and joins her***_

_**Wendy: A...and... then he smacked my butt!**_

_**Jen:*Gasps* The Perv!**_

_**Wendy: Who are you? Bebe? Who are they?**_

_**Bebe: *Shrugs***_

_**Jen: I'm Jen. *Point's at Emily* And this is Emily. *Points at Chelsea* And that nutcase is Chelsea. We're zombies.**_

_**Wendy: You're not gonna kill us, right?**_

_**Jen: Not yet. We have the Girl Code to go by. So who do we have to kill.**_

_**Bebe: Cartman.**_

_**Emily: Cartman? Is he fat?**_

_**Bebe: Yeah, how'd you know?**_

_**Emily: Wasn't that hard. I put the words Cart and Man together and figured he was fat.**_

_**Jen: Emily, where's Chelsea?**_

_**Emily: Shit.**_

_**Jen: Let's kill Cartman first. Then we'll go find Chelsea.**_

_**Emily: Yeah, we should find her, shouldn't we?**_

_**-With Cartman, Tweek, Stan, and Kyle-**_

_**Cartman: So anyway's, I smacked Wendy's ass and she went home crying like a babah.**_

_***The rest laugh***_

_**Cartman: Then on mah way here. This thing here *holds up arm and shows Chelsea knawing on it* bit meh and won't let gah.**_

_**Emily: Her name is Chelsea, and she is not a thing.**_

_**Jen: Chelsea! Drop it!**_

_**Chelsea: *Let's go of Cartmans arm and crawls over***_

_**Jen: Is your name Cartman?**_

_**Cartman: Yeah.**_

_**Jen: *Glances at Emily and has a weird eye conversation thing with her. Slowly both start nodding their heads.* Cool. We're zombies, by the way.**_

_**Kyle: Uhhhh.**_

_**Jen: And Cartman was bitten. I could get rid of him for you.**_

_**Stan: But he might be immune!**_

_**Jen: Don't care! *Screeches and pounces on Cartman and starts tearing him apart* **_

_**Emily: Careful Jen, don't pull something this time. *Becons to Chelsea and they join Jen in killing Cartman. His friends just watch***_

_***Cartman dies***_

_**Kenny: Hey guys! What I miss?**_

_**Stan: *Point's to corpse of Cartman* Zombies killed 'im.**_

_**Jen: *Look's at Kenny* Aren't you dead?**_

_**Emily: Look Jen! Finally someone shorter then you!**_

_**Jen: Shut up! Lot's of people are shorter then me. I just usually crawl, that's all. The twitchy dude smells like coffee.**_

_***Jen get's coffee and likes it***_


	31. My Addoptive Father the Assassian

Jen was depressed. Now her friends, they were used to her being moody, but not like this. She was silent. Wesker was out grocery shopping. On his way home, he ran over a cat. He assumed it was Jen's. When he walked in, he was suprised to see Jen moping arounf the house.

"Uh, sorry Jen, but I ran over your cat." He said, while rubbing the back of his head.

"I don't have a cat..."

"Oh. Then why the hell are you being emo?"

"Emily got a job, and I invited a few friends over, and they aren't here yet!"

"Huh. When did you phone them?"

"Three day's ago."

"Have you thought that they aren't coming?"

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M BEING EM-"

"JEN!" A boy around Jen's size with red hair and silver eyes kicked down the door.

"SAINT!" Jen pounced and gave him a hug. Wesker looked at the two and shrugged.

"Did you own a cat?" Wesker looked at Saint. Saint blinked.

"Was this cat yellow?"

"Yes."

"Rose did. Her name was Honey."

"You ran over Honey?" Jen looked at Saint.

"I suggest you run." Saint raised an eyebrow at Wesker.

"Why?"

"Rose tend's to set herself on fire when angered."

"MY CAT!" Rose ran inside the house, ablaze. Wesker ran away.

Jen laughed.

That was the day Wesker died.

Lol, not really. I still need him for world domination. But he was badly injured and when Emily came home she had a good laugh.

_**A/N: Before any of you ask, Rose and Saint belong to ME. Not somebody else. I created them and am writing a story about them. SO BITE ME IF YOU WANT THEM CUZ I'LL KICK YOUR ASS! DAMNIT! THE GAY BOY AND ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE MINE! *starts foaming from mouth***_


	32. Random

Jen was walking down a random street at a random time during a random night. It was very random indeed. Then this random van pulled up beside Jen and this random guy pulled out this random gun and said: "Get in the random van you random bitch." To which Jen responded.

"Cheez," and started to drool. The random guy holding the random gun looked at his random partner and pulled Jen in the random van. Jen randomly started to realise what was going on so she dicided to randomly take control of the random situation. "I'll scream."

"What?" The random two man stared randomly at her.

"I'll scream if you don't listen to what I say."

"Kid, we're a long ways away from houses."

"I have strong lungs." As we all know Jen is a hunter and she wasn't lying.

"Sure." The two random men started laughing randomly.

"FIRE! FIRE!" Jen's screams echoed and she started to gather a crowd.

"Alright, alright! Just shut up!" Jen shut her mouth and smiled in triumph.

"Okay, go to the nearest Tim Hortons."

"Why?"

"I want coffee and a donut." They pulled up to Tim Hortons.

Emily was working at the window. Jen randomly crawled up front.

"Emily! These two men are buying me coffee and donuts! I'll have the usual!"

"Damnit Jen! Your being kidnapped!"

"Yay!" Emily faced palmed, and handed Jen her coffee and donut. Jen randomly started to purr. The two random men stared at her then drove away. Emily phoned Wesker.

-Later-

Jen was placed in a concret room and started to nibble on her donut. She hasn't even started her coffee yet. The two random men stared at her. Wesker kicked down the door the veery second Jen finished her donut. She downed the coffee before he could stop her. The coffee hit her full blown and she went phsyco. Wesker took the time nicley given and beat the shit out of her kidnappers.

Jen left with Wesker and waved bye to the two random men.

This is the random ending. OMGWTFBBQROFLCOPTER! .


	33. All boys school

"You enrolled me in an all boys school? Wesker! I'm gonna kill you!"

"Now Jen, I didn't just enroll you, I enrolled everyone. I just haven't told them yet." Jen growled and pulled out a matchet.

"Jen, where'd you get the matchet?"

"That guy." Jen pointed to Jason and threw the matchet at Wesker. It hit his forehead and was lodged in. Wesker past out due to blood lost. Jen told the others. They packed and caught the bus onwards to the all boys school.

-Later-

Jen started to growl at the outfit she was wearing. Although it was an all boys school, only boys were aloud to wear pants. Jen was wearing a skirt. She doesn't like skirts. They make it harder to kill people in. Jen heard someone walking down the hall. She knocked him out and stole his pant's, leaving him with the skirt.

It was one thing to take away her hat and leave her unprotected eye holes to the sun, but it's another thing to try to make her wear a skirt.

"Class, we have some new students today. There is Spikey, Eric, Emily, Kristy, Jen, Amanda, Chelsea, Kaylee, Nadia, and Emilia."

"Mr. Wockngo, a magority of those names are female."

"That's because there are only two males in our group!" Jen hissed at the boy. Jen was the only female wearing pants. They sat down in their desks, and Emily started to get somewhat annoyed at the fact that the people kept poking her. She ended up freaking and murdered those who poked her. Chelsea somehow managed to escape when Jen hissed at the boy, Nadia burst into flames, a boy came in dressed as a clown and Eric ran off to find Alantis, Kristy was hugging someone, Emilia poofed away, Amanda went wolf, Kaylee jumped out a window, and Spikey was making friends.

Jen was fine until someone started hitting on her. "This is bullshit. I'll have you know, we aren't humans!"

"Sure, sure."

Jen walked up to and ripped out his throat. She went phsyco and killed all the students.

She went home.


	34. Cristmas prt 1

_**Jen: Merry Christmas!**_

_**Emily: Uhhh, yeah.**_

_**Wesker: *drunk, happy, and wearing an elf hat* Merry *hic* Christmas.**_

_**Eric: Happy Holiday's, I guess.**_

_**Nadia: Happy *shoot's arrow* Holiday's *shoot's arrow***_

_**Chelsea: Jingle Bells, Wesker smell, Emily laid an egg, Bobby lost a wheel, and Jen got away, HEY!**_

_**Kaylee: Merry Christmas**_

_**Emilia: Happy Halloween! *whispered too* Oh, Merry Christmas**_

_**Amanda: I love Christmas, and Hanuka. Season's Greetings!**_

_**Bobby (tank): Graaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. *Jen walks up* **_

_**Jen: Bobby use your words.**_

_**Bobby: Haa Chrissssss.**_

_**Kristy: Season Greetings!**_

_**Spikey: *sound of gun* Ima gonna kill Santa. Shit, that was outloud. Um, MERRY CHRISTMAS!**_

_**Author: Merry Christmas all!**_

_**...**_

_**And I'm putting this up early 'cause I'll have no time to do it otherwise. Same with part 2.**_


	35. Cristmas prt 2

Emily and Jen were stumped. What to do for Christmas? The house was decorated - by Wesker. Who knew he loved Christmas? Eric went home to the folks for Christmas, Chelsea went to China, Amanda went to her pack, and everyone else went home - except Wesker, because he was still, well, Wesker.

Jen started to run around the house. Emily stabbed her. Wesker laughed and Jen attacked Wesker. Then they went to bed on Christmas eve.

Jen woke up due to her insomia and found some fat dude wearing red putting boxes under the tree. Jen screamed. The fat guy turned around. Wesker came upstairs and Emily came from... some place. Jen started speaking jibberish. "Fat stalker man putting cameras and bombs and shit under the tree in attempt to destroy us and shit and cheez and shit and OhMIGOD he's come to kidnap us. !" Wesker whacked Jen upside her head.

He then shot Santa. "Fucking Stalker." He muttered.


	36. Important News!

_**Jen: Another Rant Ranch already? Or is it important news?**_

_**Emily: Important news. Jen, stick to the script.**_

_**Jen: Fine. Guess what, guess what, guess what!**_

_**Emily: *Glares* Jen, what did you do to your script?**_

_**Jen: Set it on fire. Anyway's, the Author got an account on !**_

_**Emily: Her username is the same, vnekoblood, and soon you'll be able to find her stories like 'The Assassian series' originally known as 'My Addoptive Father, The Assassian', 'Werecat's and Werewolves', and 'Phsycic Werewolf'.**_

_**Jen: Yep yep. If you wanna know what they're about, you can go to and find her profile through searching vampyre-nekoblood. She has alot of original work there, and on her other account, halloween3. But most of the stuff on halloween3 is drawings.**_

_**Emily: Go cheak it out!**_


	37. Starwars

Jen looked at Emily and smiled. Emily knew that smile all too well. It was her you-pissed-me-off-and-now-you-are-going-to-die smile. But that smile wasn't directed at her; no, it was directed at the douche standing in front of them. The douche took a step back. Jen snarled at him, eyes flashing. He held up his hands in a surrender. "L-l-look, I d-d-d-didn't k-know t-t-that s-someone was h-h-home. I-i-i-it was a m-m-mistake!"

"So, robbing our house in the middle of the day when you thought that nobody was home because you thought they would be at work? Is that it? You saw something that looked easy and went for it? Well you wanna know something?"

"What?" The douche whimpered pathetically.

"We're not gonna kill you."

"W-w-w-what?"

"Oh, no. My friend Wesker and I are going to strap you down to a metal table, then slice open your chest cativity, split apart your ribs, and place neddles in your heart. We'll cut off all of your limbs, then skin you. Then we'll cut up your brain, but you'll still live. And when your about to pass out or die, we will inject a very dangerous virus into your blood stream that would kill you slowly and painfully."

"O-o-oh God! N-n-n-n-no please!" Jen smiled.

"Alright. But if we ever see you in our neighbour hood again, or anywhere robbing someone or someone's house, that is exactly what we will do."

The man left. Wesker emerged from the shadows wearing a Yoda outfit and had one hand over the other hand. "Young one, taught you well, I have." Jen turned and smiled at Wesker.

"You have taught me nothing, Old Grasshopper." Jen and Wesker pulled out lightlsabers and had an epic battle of epic porportions until Jen had to take an epic nap. They called it a draw and they would continue when they felt like it. The rest of the gang was on edge for three months until Wesker and Jen where both free and continued their epic lightsaber battle.


	38. Anastasia the Assassin

Emily the Witch and Wesker the, uh, Wesker were rolling on the ground fighting. Two hooded figures were watching with an amused smile.

One was our beloved Jen the Hunter, and the other was a stranger that Jen brought for the other's to meet.

"Any idea what they're fighting over?" The mysterious hooded figure asked.

"Nope." Jen popped the p in nope.

"Should we stop them?"

"Nah."

"Wanna go get some ice-cream?"

"I'd thought you'd never ask."

The two left to get some ice-cream.

Emily and Wesker stopped in mid-fight. "Who was Jen talking to Wesker?"

"I'd have to say that would be Jen's friend from Edmonton, Anastasia the Assassin."


	39. Full Metal Alchemist

_**A/N: OMG! This is just epic. I don't know what else to say. So, anyway's, Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter have... have? round up a few character's from Full Metal Alchemist. Here's Roy Mustang (The Fire Alchemist), Scar (The Epic Alchemist XD He's ma fav.), Edward Elric (My God, if you don't know who he is, you're an idiot... the Full Metal Alchemist), and, of course, the two girl's who this story is named after, Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter.**_

Jen ran into the over crowded house on Elm Street, leading a military looking official, a tall man with a 'X' shaped scar on his face, and a boy who was just a TINY bit taller then Jen.

Emily looked up from the newspaper she was reading and growled. They did not need anymore people living with them. Emily plucked the reading glasses off of the perch of her nose, and glowered at Jen. "Jennifer Marie Jones, what have I told you about bringing people home?"

"B-b-but Emily! They followed me! Said something about Chelsea and eating the Philosipher's Stone or some crazy shit like that."

"That wouldn't surprise me. Chelsea does eat alot of things. Who are they?"

"Emo Boy, Mr. Cranky-No-Smile, and Short-Fry!" Jen gestured to each of them in turn.

"I AM NOT A SHORTY SHRIMP FRY!"

"I love you too."

"Jen, he didn't say he loved you."

"Why not? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! EMILY! HE HURT ME FEELINGS! CAN I HURT HIM NOW?"

"Go phsyco Jen, go have fun."

"YAY!" Jen then glomped Edward and snuggled him, successfully cutting off his airways and knocking him out. While she was doing that, Emily got Jen's 'guest's' true names. Roy Mustang and Scar. She made them some tea and watched Jen nearly kill Edward.

By the time Roy and Scar pried Jen off of Edward, Jen had calmed down and was currently nestled on Roy's lap, who figured out not to move her unless he wanted to lose his arm, their stories were set straight. Chelsea thought the stone was a candy, so she nommed it, then ran off somewhere's, but they couldn't care less, because, it's CHELSEA!

Like, seriously, have you tried to control Chelsea? It's nearly impossible.

Anyways, Jen got hungry.

So she bit Roy.

Who set her on fire.

And that set the wrath of Emily the Witch who's talons became quite large, as in, ten feet long.

Roy learnt how to run like the wind.

Jen and Scar became friends.

Scar fed Jen chicken.

Wesker and Scar got into a fight.

They threw a party.

Roy came back a bloody mess.

Spikey then told them they were moving.

To Silent Hill.

Jen bit Roy again.

Then they had tea.


	40. Coulrophobia no more

It wasn't supposed to happen that way. But it did. Eric and Jen got sepparated from the group. Because of a fucking clown. Figures, of course, that Jen ran after him after slaughtering the clown. And now they were lost. Jen sighed, and Eric looked up at the sky. "It's going to rain." He stated.

"No shit sherlock. It's been raining for the last two weeks. What makes you think it wasn't?"

"It was nice until now." Eric seemed almost sad.

"Why are you scared of clowns, Eric? WHY!"

"I don't know. Just am."

"That's just gay." Jen face palmed.

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Eric, yes it is." Jen flashed a wicked smile. "I'm gonna help you get rid of your fear of clowns."

"Oh dear God._ No!_"

-Three hours later-

Eric was terrified. Jen shoved him into a tiny car full of clowns. Where she found the car, nobody knows, and perhaps it will remain a mistery forever... unless she feel's like telling where she found it. Erics shrieks of terror were picked up by Amanda.

They pulled Eric out of the car. "Oh my god, Eric, are you okay? You were shoved inside a car full of clowns!" Emily's motherly instincts were kicking in.

"I feel pretty good actually. Exstatic, almost."

"Why?"

"I'm not afraid of clowns anymore."

"That's terrific!"

"Yeah. But you know what I'm scared of now?"

"What?"

"_Jen!_" A shiver ran through Erics body.

"That, Eric, is a given." The group laughed.


	41. The End

After re-uniting with the group, Eric stayed as far away from Jen as possible. And after long, gruesom, tiring hours, they finally made it to their destenation. Silent Hill. They ran into a hospital and met Pyramid Head. Pyramid Head claimed Jen as his pet. Emily killed Wesker...

_**The End.**_

_**A/N: Short Chapter? I know, but most of this is for a bonus chapter. You, the reader, gets to ask me, the author, questions about Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter. It's open until Friday, and I will answer any questions that you have. It will also be fun fact's and getting to now the characters better.**_


	42. THE BONUS CHAPTER

_**Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter, the Bonus Chapter.**_

_**I told you I would do it.**_

_**ONWARDS!**_

_**Q: How did Emily or Jen become zombies? (Dodgerjoey)**_

_**A: Well, I'm starting a season two of Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter, once summer is done. It's called: "Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter: The Human Years" and it explains how everything happened. How they met everyone, how Jen and Emily came to America, and, yes, how they became zombies. So, answering this question truethfully, I would reveal some serious (although hilarious) plot point's, but I will tell you this. Jen gets bitten first, trying to revive Emily, who pissed off a witch. A hunter and a witch are involved in the turning of Jen and Emily.**_

_**Q: Why does L eat so much food, but still doesn't gain weight? (luckythirteengirl/Emily the Witch)**_

_**A: Um, I'm not sure, but I think it's because he thinks so much that he actually burns calories... by thinking. But, hey, I'm not sure. I don't own Death Note, or L, sadly...**_

_**Fun Fact! Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter was completely by accident! That's right, there was only supposed to be one chapter, but then came 40. Because you pedofiles... uh, fans, asked for more.**_

_**Q: Why is Jen so crazy? (Dodgerjoey)**_

_**A: I have no idea. She was crazy as a human too. Jumping out windows and pretending to be an airplane... she was dropped too many times on the head as a baby, I'd guess.**_

_**Fun Fact! I do know what plot is. As I have stated before, Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter was only supposed to be one chapter.**_

_**Fun Fact! My friends agree that I do act like a Hunter... and when I get hungry, and there's no food around, I try to eat their arms... I get yelled at though :(**_

_**Fun Fact! I love converting my friends to Left 4 Dead. First it was Chelsea, Kieran, and Emily is the newest recrute. :D TRY CONVERTING YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO LEFT 4 DEAD 2 TODAY! I CAN ASSURE YOU, YOU WON'T BE DISSAPOINTED!**_

_**Fun Fact! Today is the last day of exams. I'm gonna miss grade 8. :D A year of change, and I loved every moment of it. If I was still at my old school, I wouldn't have been the bold, almost cannibalistic, homophobic hating, sexuality discovered self I am today... and Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter wouldn't have existed either.**_

_**Wow, this didn't go as planed. I was hopping for more questions. Oh well. I wanted to add a little thank you at the end of this...**_

_**Thanks to Emily, who would talk to me about this story, agreeing to let me put her in it, and helping me give birth to the hilarious story you all know and love, Emily the Witch, Jen the Hunter.**_

_**Thanks to Chelsea, who was my first friend at my new school and making me feel welcomed. Without you, I probably would have growled at everyone who came near me... not that I don't now, but still. I love playing Left 4 Dead 2 with you as well, especially when you commit suicide when I force zombies to commit mass zombie suicide. :D That made my day.**_

_**Thanks to Kaylee, who I shoved in the story without her knowing it until the day after. And for letting me use you as a scratching post. I was happy.**_

_**Thanks to Amanda, who gives me a hug whenever I feel down, and who kept me going when I needed to be pushed. Litterly. You would push me in the hallways because I was walking too slow. :D**_

_**Thanks to Kristy, who knows how to make me laugh at any time.**_

_**Thanks to Nadia, one of my only friends in Archery, sadly, Archery is no more. I am so sad because of that.**_

_**Thanks to Dodgerjoey, who lent me the lovely use of Eric for this story.**_

_**I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR CONTRIBUTING TO THE STORY OF EMILY THE WITCH, JEN THE HUNTER! WITHOUT YOU, NONE OF THIS STORY WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! I THANK YOU!**_

_**With love,**_

_**LittleCrimsonR...**_


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